How to Make Change Happen? Be Willing
Image of person walking on stairway.
Maybe you have a great idea but feel stuck. Or perhaps you want to make some change but pushing forward feels overwhelming.
This happens to all of us. You have a big idea, something you want to accomplish. It's something that you value, something that will make you feel like your life is going the way you want it to. You move into creative mode and start thinking about the possibilities. Then, like clockwork, anxiety trickles in. Maybe you feel overwhelmed or notice thoughts that are self-critical, self-censoring and not very helpful. You may or may not notice the anxious feelings and thoughts, but it all seems like too much. And the idea gets put on a shelf. Maybe one day...
This feels like it has been brought into sharper focus with the pandemic. As more people are vaccinated and more opportunities for your life seem possible, you might be ready to make some changes in how you live your life, but feel a lot of anxiety about how to re-engage.
If you want change you’ll likely have to experience something uncomfortable.
Here’s something to consider if you want to make any change or try something new for your life: you will have to be willing to have some discomfort. If you want to get unstuck, you’re going to have to experience something that you might not like.
Why bother? Because you instinctively know that life is richer, fuller, brighter and more colorful when you live it according to your values, when you choose actions that feel meaningful to you.
If being willing to feel something uncomfortable was easy you would have done it by now.
It’s important to consider that the reason you likely haven’t taken action yet on something that matters to you is that the pain you are anticipating if you take a step forwarding feels completely overwhelming. So start small.
Starting small means making small changes in behavior. Consider what you want to change. Can you break it up into manageable chunks? A manageable chunk is one where you are willing to have whatever shows up for you: your feelings, your thoughts, your body sensations, etc. It is much more satisfying and doable than getting into the painful cycle of being too ambitious, feeling overwhelmed, and shutting down before you even try.
A quick exercise to gain some momentum today:
Pick a behavior or activity that you've been avoiding but that you think is important. Maybe it's calling the relative that you love but have a difficult relationship with or the post-vaccination social outing that feels important but completely overwhelms you.
Break it into a manageable task or set of tasks. Using the phone-a-relative example, perhaps you determine in advance that a five minute call is all you want to start with, rather than an hour long heart-to-heart. Come up with 2-3 things you want to talk about. Manage your expectations.
Try out the new task or behavior. As you try it, notice what feelings come up, but don't make any judgments about them. See if you can sit with them. If you want, try breathing in and out slowly to create a little more space for the feelings. Perhaps as you sit with feelings and breathe around them, other feelings come up. Just notice those, too.
The goal with this exercise is to gain some momentum as you begin moving your life gradually and gently in the direction you want. See if you can experience ALL of the feelings and thoughts that come up while you give something new a try.