Want to struggle less with anxiety? Try taking a different perspective.

Image of people walking alone and in groups viewed from overhead. Photo by Ryoji Iwata on Unsplash

This is the fourth part of a six part series where I discuss how the principles of ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) can help you reduce the struggle with anxiety and move you toward a more meaningful life. In this post, I’ll be discussing how taking a different perspective is so important if you struggle with anxiety. 

Consider all the ways you can describe yourself: 

I’m a dad.
I love coffee.
I’m not great in social situations. 
I’m a baseball fan. 
I am a pretty anxious person.

We all use concepts to describe ourselves. A concept is a word that symbolizes lots of different things. Rather than explain every single possibility a concept can communicate lots of information in one word or phrase. For example, if someone says that they are a baseball fan you have a pretty good idea of how they like to spend their leisure time. If someone tells you they love coffee you can easily predict that they might spend time in coffee shops or buy coffee at the grocery. 

The same goes for concepts like anxiety. If someone says that they are an anxious person, it is not hard to imagine how they might engage in life. You might expect them to avoid certain activities that make them anxious, you might expect them to say no to certain things because anxiety might get in the way. 

Self-concepts are helpful until they aren’t

While concepts can be really helpful for describing an aspect of someone’s identity, they can be less useful when they define an individual and how they live their life. When we describe ourselves with sentences that start with “I never…” “I only…” “I always…” because of some concept we hold, we often act in ways that feel less vibrant and less meaningful. For example:

I’m an anxious person so I …

never go to events with large crowds.
can’t ride a bike because what if something bad happens.
always double check my work because it has to be perfect. 

The challenging part of this is perhaps there is a really cool event that you really want to attend but there will be a large crowd. Or maybe you really miss riding your bike. Or always double checking your work is exhausting and takes a lot of time - time that could be spent doing more interesting things. 

You can have a concept without letting it define who you are and how you live.

Building skills around not letting a concept define you and limit your life is possible.

Here are a couple of simple ways that you can begin to loosen up if concepts feel like they are restricting you and your life. 

How would someone else see you?

If you find yourself living under the restrictions of a concept like “I’m an anxious person” it can be really helpful to shift your perspective from yours to another person.

Start by thinking of an important person in your life, someone who you respect and whose opinion you value. Consider someone who cares about you and knows you well. 

Imaging getting in their shoes for a moment and then imagine them thinking of you.

How would they look at you? How would they describe you? Would they say that you are “an anxious person” or might they use other concepts as well?

You might notice that someone who cares for you will use concepts that allow a bit more freedom for you to live the life you want. Perhaps this person sees you as much more than just “an anxious person.”

What are you experiencing right now?

Concepts can be helpful for describing things but less helpful if they keep you from living your life. Consider a scenario that brings up anxiety for you but that actually really matters to you. Pick a situation that you could leave if it becomes too overwhelming. Your immediate response might be “oh no, I can’t do this, I have anxiety and this won’t go well.”

The next time you put yourself in this situation, check in with yourself with these:

Is this something that is meaningful for me? If the answer is yes, then:

Check in with yourself. What are you experiencing?

Consider and notice your body sensations, emotions, thoughts, memories and urges.

As you begin to notice these experiences (which we often describe as anxiety) see if you have any willingness to have them. You can always exit the situation if things get overwhelming.

What often happens is that our actual experience might be something we can have even though we hold this concept that we are anxious and can’t possibly deal with it. Sometimes, checking in with your actual experience might inform you that you are actually able to have what you are experiencing and continue doing what feels meaningful. 

Concepts like anxiety can be helpful for understanding ourselves but also limiting when they dictate our behavior. Learning how to hold these concepts lightly rather than letting them rule how we live our lives can lead us to a life that feels more rich and vital. 

In part five of this series on using the principles of ACT for anxiety, I’ll be discussing how figuring out what matters to you can help reduce your struggle with anxiety.