There are a variety of common sex issues that many men struggle with. These could be sexual identity concerns, performance-related challenges or issues related to desire. Many of my clients are also trying to improve their sexual satisfaction or express themselves sexually in healthier ways.
Your fantasies, feelings, and experiences define your identity. I think it is helpful to look at aspects of sexuality on a spectrum, rather than as binary, black and white experiences.You may identify as gay, straight, bisexual, or queer. You may consider your tastes more kink or more vanilla. Perhaps you struggle with what your history, parents, or culture told you that you were supposed to believe and feel, or how you should behave. Ultimately, you would like to feel good about your sexual self and how you express it.
If you're having a lot of sex or looking at a lot of porn that doesn't mean you are out of control or a sex addict. However, you may notice that seeking and engaging in sex is a way to avoid difficult feelings or experiences. You may also notice that your sex life is having a negative effect on on your work, relationships or health.
Most men experience erectile dysfunction at one time or another. You may notice that in addition to the obvious physical experience of being able to get or keep an erection, there might be lots of distressing thoughts and feelings around this. You might find this causing problems in your relationship or preventing you from seeking out relationships.
Libido is your sex drive and desire - that feeling and/or urge for sex and connection. You may notice things don't seem right - you're having fewer sexual thoughts and fantasies and less overall desire for sex. You may notice that you feel stress around this or that it is causing problems in your relationships. You may have anxiety or depression symptoms because of this as well.
Like erectile dysfunction, problems with ejaculation are often a mix of physical responses in your body and distressing thoughts and feelings. You may also be experiencing relationship distress around this and noticing an effect on your ability to have satisfying sex and happy relationships.
Perhaps you have difficult communicating what you want sexually or you and your partner seem to have different desire levels or vastly differing preferences. Learning how to communicate in a positive and healthy way about sex can not just improve your relationships but can help you have a happier sex life.
There are a variety of treatment options that can help with sex issues - we work together to understand your symptoms and stressors, identify possible causes and steps you can take to feel better and more in balance.
Because sex involves your body, we generally start with making sure you are in good physical health. If you are experiencing libido, erectile, or ejaculation issues, a visit to your primary care physician can ensure that there aren't any physiological causes. In addition, symptoms of anxiety and depression and other mental health issues can have a direct effect on your sex life. We identify ways to manage these so that they cause less distress.
Sometimes it may feel like there is a disconnect between how you express yourself and your internal view of yourself. Therapy can be a safe and positive place to understand your sexuality, identify how you want to integrate it into your life, and how you want to communicate with sexual partners.